Christian Grey’s 25 douchiest thoughts in ‘Grey,’ the ‘Fifty Shades’ spinoff

Hilarious. No point dissing the book when the actual dialogue does it so perfectly… :p

Fusion

E.L. James’ smash hit trilogy of erotic novels — Fifty Shades of Grey (also a half-billion dollar movie), Fifty Shades Darker, and Fifty Shades Freed — centers on the torrid romance between young Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey, a sexy, mysterious billionaire with a dark past and a taste for S&M. On June 18, Grey’s birthday, James released Grey, a nearly 600-page retelling of Fifty Shades from Anastasia’s lover’s perspective.

We read the entire book (you’re welcome) and discovered that, when it’s not too busy regurgitating the original book’s prix fixe menu of light bondage sex scenes, Grey mostly depicts Christian checking his emails and referring to his penis in the third person.

But seeing the world from Grey’s point of view also gives us access to his innermost, unvoiced thoughts and desires. As it turns out, those innermost thoughts and desires are really, really irritating. Enjoy?

  1. Her voice is high; she’s feigning disinterest. It…

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